I got quite a bit done on the site today inspite of being up all night and sleeping much later than I had wanted. I want to thank those friends who have supported me through the making of this website. Your emotional support and participation has made it worth the time. For those who know of some of the problems we have been dealing with, the good news is that we will FINALLY have running water by the end of the weekend! We are still trying to figure out what to do first, swimming is out since winter has moved in :P
Nothing else to really report today, but I will up all night again tonight so look for me either around here or Twitter. I have stayed away from FB today for personal reasons but will check that out later or tomorrow. Have a great weekend and again, Thank you for caring, you know who you are... and so do I.
After another long bad night of pain and frustration, I have had the same kind of day. Somedays I find myself feeling ashamed or guilty for crying out or being angry to the point of rage, yelling at God and later remembering this isn't his fault. Then I think of Christopher Reeves and I feel even worse. He ended up in a wheelchair and seldom if ever complained a minute. I end up in one and all I do is feel angry, frustrated, betrayed, alone. Very selfish of me. I used to think of my RA as a gift, something that grounded me and kept me from being self serving and bound to a dangerous fate. Then it took my knees out and I could no longer walk. Having once been so active and so intense about everything I did or thought all came crashing down around me in 2008. I have been blessed with a few friends, my babies (pups) and the gift of life, so why then do I act so selfish?
I'm not the only one who ever went through or still goes through this. I think of our Vets, our troops who are fighting and dying for us, the little kids who never even experienced walking or running or martial arts or riding a bike.
Who am I to be so selfish? Who am I... who am I rings another bell, the song by Casting Crowns that reminds me who I am, and tells me there IS a reason for all of this, even if I cannot see it or understand it. I find myself feeling small and withering from the old me, the one who could run, walk, be helpful, stand tall, give of myself and be a friend. Maybe, just maybe that wasn't who I was supposed to be, that always on the go, rush rush rush never take a break person. Maybe God had a different plan for my life and got tired of me running it into confused circles. Maybe all of this has been exactly what Laura Story sang about, a blessing in disguise. Something to think about.
Today is very cold, breezy and one of those days you want home baked bread and chili or stew. Instead today we have the option of pumpkin pancakes, homemade sub sandwiches and coffee. Can't complain about that. Most days here go slowly, issues and trials, every person has them so why is it when life visits us in a negative way, we tend to forget others have it much worse than we do? Because it's human nature and we are after all human, prone to fall into that old "me me me only me" attitude, and we are all guilty of it at some point. Not all selfish thoughts are bad until they become actions. I have been sitting back watching and learning as I go. The older we get if we're lucky, the more we learn if we only pay attention. There are signs to everything, I hope that for today we all learn to not only see the signs, but follow them.
My Luck with blogs this week has not been very good at all. One was deleted with no real reason, the other would not let me post in the blog! Then a small voice said to me, "Try your website..." Duh... and so here it is, my official NEW blog.
RSS Feed